What is Resistance in Coaching?

The definition of resistance is any thought or behavior that impedes or stops the change process. Some may use the term “self-sabotage” to describe resistance and is rooted in counterproductive conscious or unconscious patterns. These patterns may be: negativity, disorganization, indecisiveness, negative self-talk and the inner critic.

Resistance in coaching refers to the client’s reluctance or opposition to change, explore certain topics, or engage fully in the coaching process. It can manifest as defensiveness, avoidance, skepticism, or a lack of commitment. It’s important to recognize in coaching, so a safe and supportive environment can be created where building trust, clarifying goals, exploring underlying beliefs, and using effective communication techniques are areas of focus. By understanding and working through resistance, the coach and client overcome obstacles and achieve meaningful growth and transformation.

Resistance may show up as:

• Arguing.
• Interrupting.
• Denying.
• Ignoring.
• Appeasing.
• Saying “I want to want to change.”
• Stating “I can’t handle this stress anymore, but everything I/we do doesn’t work.”
• Declaring “people just don’t get me” or “no one can help me.”

• Canceling appointments.
• Not doing the homework.
• Ignoring/minimizing suggestions.
• Small talk, no talking, or “yeah, buts”.
• The coach is trying harder than the client.
  

Resistance is a form of implicit, or implied, communication:

What’s important about any of these presentations is that it’s a form of communication and requires addressing sooner rather than later, so that goals can be reached, and everyone can get on the same page. What happens with resistance in therapy or coaching is that this block of making progress can impact the practitioner’s efficacy, impedes client motivation, and undermines the change process. It can generate levels of frustration that negatively impacts the therapeutic/coaching relationship.

One way to navigate resistance is working with rather than against. Honoring resistance in coaching involves acknowledging and validating a client’s reluctance, hesitation, or opposition to change. Instead of disregarding or pushing against resistance, coaches recognize it as a natural response and strive to understand its underlying causes. Resistance is protective in nature. It’s a process someone experiences because they distrust a person or experience, they may fear vulnerability, or they may not have the nervous system capacity to address concerns their cognitive mind may think is important. Getting attuned to someone’s communication style through verbal expression, body language, and/or behaviors is critical.

Ultimately, a slow, gradual process where psychological safety has been established is critical to this process. By creating a safe and non-judgmental space, exploration is possible around concerns, fears, or ambivalence, ultimately facilitating a collaborative and empowering therapeutic relationship. Respecting and working with resistance can lead to increased autonomy, self-awareness, and positive therapeutic outcomes.

Working with anyone who have resistance can be tricky. You may notice yourself experiencing it. It’s OK! There’s nothing wrong with it.

Sometimes you gotta acknowledge the resistance with humor!

Lighthearted phrases on resistance:

1. “Resistance is my middle name, but maybe we can change it together.”
2. “I’m giving resistance a standing ovation, but let’s see if we can turn it into a slow clap for progress.”
3. “Resistance, meet my friend ‘baby steps.’ They might just become best buddies.”
4. “Resistance, you’re like the stubborn sibling I never had. Let’s find some common ground.”
5. “Resistance, I see you flexing those mental muscles. Let’s give them a workout in a new direction.”
6. “If resistance were an Olympic sport, you’d definitely be a gold medalist. Let’s aim for silver, shall we?”
7. “Resistance, you’re like a sneaky ninja, but together we’ll find a way to disarm you.”
8. “Resistance, I’ve got a permission slip for you to take a break. Let’s explore what lies beyond it.”
9. “Resistance, you’re the gatekeeper, but I’ve got the key to unlocking new possibilities.”
10. “Resistance, let’s play a game of hide and seek. I’ll seek your concerns, and you hide behind them.”

All joking aside, resistance can be something that hangs a person up for weeks, months, years. It can be frustrating for all involved. So, the antidote is to stay curious about its purpose and lean into it. Additionally, resistance may ALSO show up for cultural and/or sociopolitical reasons.

What’s important is to continue asking questions, getting curious about what the resistance is there to protect, and acknowledging the complexities of why and how it’s showing up.

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